You're not supposed to be the one crying, Bella...

Okay. I don't know where to start. Yesterday, was the BEST night I think I've ever had. Seriously. So me and some of my best friends were having something we call "Tertitten", we watch a norwegian tv show, better humor doesn't exist. Except on Friends. But that's really not relevant right now, hah. SO anyways, Eline had talked to some of her guyfriends from school and they wanted to come. And since I am a loner who haven't had a boyfriend for ages, I though ALRIGHT! And don't forget, I heart boys. I would commit suicide without them, so thank you God. You're the man.

Soooo, the night started with my favourite girls, taking a couple of tequila shots. And then the boys came. We ordered a pizza and took some bears while we watched the show. Fucking hillarious. After a while, I had learned to have a good time. We danced, sang while Halvor and Anders were playing the guitar and just talked.

And as we sat there, one of the boys suddenly took his hand around me. I have always had a dream of falling asleep at one boys chest, and guess what? Well, my dream came true. I don't know how long I was just laying on his chest, but I loved every second of it. I remember he was going to the bathroom or something, and it was pain, haha! But he came back. Holding my hands, holding me tight, just letting me sleep. That feeling is undescribable, I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world. His arms just made me feel so safe, and his heartbeats going fast was so sweet.

And today, I got back to the real world. And it sucks. I just want to get back to yesterday. And I just feel sad in my heart, because I know what will happen. What always happens. I always screw things up. There is nothing in the world I want more than a boyfriend, and I bet I'll screw this one up to. I just know it. Today I haven't been thinking about anything else, you can probably call me addicted. That is NOT good. I fall in love like that, and I always put my whole heart in to it. That just leaves me heartbroken once again. I think I give too much of myself, and become addicted.

And another thing, I really don't deserve this guy anyway. He must be the sweetest boy I have ever met, seriously. There is not a flinch of evil in that boy. I mean, what have I done to deserve something like that? NOTHING! He's just perfect, and I'm just not. That's just the way it is. Though, I wish it wasn't. I wish he would feel the same way I do, I wish I could just see him again. And I wish I could stop thinking about him. I wish I'd kissed him. I wish I'll stop wishing. I know none of it will come true anyway.

I totally lost my point there in all the wishing. I'm like on my way to cry or something. Such a weird feeling, I just feel so fucking sad. I'm realizing now that I've got to stop all of this. I don't even know if that boy likes me. One thing I forgot to say is that I really look up to him, too. He lost his father for like a month ago, and he's just so strong throughout it all. Thinking about it, I just want to wrap my arms around him and give him a big hug. And I don't even know the guy. What's wrong with me? Why do I always fall in love before I have even got the chance to get to know them? I just hope that I'll get another chance to meet him, and get to know him more. Because I would really love it if this would turn out to something more. I really can't describe the feeling I have when I'm with him. But knowing myself, I'll probably just end up with my heart broken again....

My sweet, sweet sweetheart Eline is going to talk to him tomorrow. She's the best, I love her. Even though I am crossing my fingers and every other body part I own, I just don't have a good feeling. He'll probably just say he was drunk, and doesn't even remember me.