Everybody needs something to cry about

Everything just seems to go against me these days. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get things right. Things. They don't want to go the way I tell them to go. They walk their own little path, or actually they run. As far away from me as they can get. They don't even care to look back at me over their sholder and say that everything is going to be alright, despite the fact that my way is no way. There is no way things will go my way. I guess this is what they call the obstacles in life. I won't even bother to mention what's going against me, because everything is. Except from handball, where I've actually become a big piece of the puzzle we have to finish without any flaws, and that's mostly the thing that keeps me up right now. That, and my lovely friends. And don't even start to think that I'm just a spoiled brat who cries whenever one little thing isn't completely the way I expected it to be, cause I'm not. No, I'm not a starving kid in the poor streets of Africa. No, I don't have any desieces, I am perfectly well. No, my parents aren't dead or drunkies, they are loved by me. And no, I do not have an awful life. But you know what? Everybody needs something to cry for. We all need something to grieve about. I cry. Crying feels nice. It cleans my soul, you know, letting all the bu-hu's out. Yeah. Bu-hu's. I said it. It's cute. You're not.

Every fucking thing goes wrong at school these days. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take. Everybody is just so smart, so good, so... working. And it's not that I don't work at school, cause I do. Maybe even a little harder then the rest of my class. Their life floats by me on perfectly exact waves that are always on time, while my wave is so unpredictable I sometimes make little tsunamies in my life. Yes, I make them myself. I know that. I have got to stop blaming everyone else, and start looking at the real problem, me myself and I. I have some difficulities with admitting it. I feel like I wear myself out working with stuff at school, and since I don't have to time when the sun is up, I do it at night. All night. Around twelve. I've been looking for more time forever, but I just can't seem to find it anywhere. I guess it's hiding at the end of the rainbow or something. The only thing I wished for christmas was that I would be getting a little more time to do stuff. In stead, it feels like the opposite has happened. I don't have time. And I don't think I ever will. I guess I just have to live with that.