Edward Cullen is staring at you

A time machine. Imagine what great wonders I could do with a time machine. I could rush things forward without even thinking about it, and I could go back in time if I would regret what I did. I could get a boyfriend, who'd probably break my heart, and then I could just flash past the heartbreak. A time machine would just let us control our own life.

But what would be the point of that? I sure would have no reason to live my life if I could decide everything that would happen. Letdowns, heartbreaks, disappointments, deaths, they're all a part of life. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. How strong would our heart be if we could choose it to be harmless? Would we be able to love, if we weren't in need to be vulnerable? If we never get disappointed, how are we supposed to be positively surprised? Where is the happiness in finding out the big decision you made was the greatest ever, when you could have gone back and made that decision anyway?

I always dream about having a time machine. Like right now, I would flash forward three weeks. And after that I'd flash forward two months. And after that I'd flash forward six months. And so it goes on. But what is the fun in doing something if you don't have to wait for it? I think waiting makes 50% of the experience itself. And now I'm waiting for someone to come visit me in three weeks. I kind of freak myself out. I met this guy on the Internet. Yes. I know. And I don't care. This guy really makes me feel good about myself, and to be honest with you, not many people do. I LOVE talking to him, and we are so much alike. Plus, I love his accent. Ha ha. I skype with him sometimes, and when our eyes meet on the screen we can sit there forever and just look at each other. It feels SO good, I can't even tell you. I mean, just the way he looks at me makes me get butterflies. I have never known a guy who is so sincerely interested in just talking to me, and don't JUST think about sex and stuff. He really cares. Don't get me wrong, when he gets here we won't just be sitting around talking about rainbows and butterflies, we'll be doing it ALL NIGHT LONG. Ha ha, just kidding. (I'm not). I know it might sound crazy to just meet someone you don't even know like that. I mean, people laugh when I tell them. So I've stopped telling people who won't even give me that joy of finally meeting someone, too. I know it's risky to meet someone like that, but I've decided just to take that chance. If he rapes me, so be it. But hey, it's not a rape if I'm in on it, right? So with NOTHING going on in my life, I seriously need to get out and do something. And this is me, starting to live my life a little. Fuck yeah.