reasons got nothing to do with it

I'm always sitting here, staring at the screen, the very empty screen, trying to come up with something reasonable to write. Yet the only reasonable thing I can come up with is to either shut my mac down or start doing the tons of homework waiting for me. And what do I find myself doing the next moment? Staring at the screen. With nothing reasonable to write.

I guess the reason I have nothing reasonable to write is that there is nothing reasonable going on in my life. NOTHING. It feels like there are 99 luftballoons in my head, except they're not empty, they're all filled with stuff I have to do. And on top of all these balloons is my hair. My hair used to be short until people started pulling in it. Stuff I have to do. People I have to please. My hair being pulled in all different directions. Now it's so long I think it's on the edge of just falling off. Like it can't take any more of this pulling.

My friends. So loved it could lift the planet. They take a lot of time and energy, but they are the ones I actually WANT to spend all of my time and energy on. They are the only ones I can truly be myself with. I can't be myself at school, or even with my family. All though I LOVE my family. It's weird though, that there is no fucking way I could ever live without my friends, even just for a little while, but when it comes to my family I could totally do that. I wonder why that is. I love my family sooo much, but I think that they'll always be there no matter how far away I go. They will always be my family. And when it comes to friends, there is no rule that says we have to stick together forever, and I think that's why I can't live without them, because I couldn't stand the thought of us growing apart. And I can feel it coming, the me moving away time is slowly gaining on me, and in most ways I couldn't be more ready to go see the big, wide world. But there is this... comfort in my family. The feeling is sort of undescibable, but when I'm with them I sometimes feel like a little child again, scared to be alone and there is pleasure of feeling protected by my family, like nothing can ever hurt me.

Writing all of this down really makes me realize how much my family mean to me. My dad. Mom. Brother, halfsister, stepdad. All of them. And when I look at the whole situation the feeling of guilt rushes through my veins. Why? Don't even ask. I don't know. I just feel like I'm not fulfilling my demands as a member of this family, you know? I always forget to clean up after my self, my mom always end up doing it. I don't make dinner because I suck at it. I never have time for familydinner because of all the other stuff going on. I'm never home, and it hurts me not to spend enough time with them. Especially my dad. The man is SO lonely. Poor thing. The worst thing is I never have time for him. And I'm supposed to stay with him ever other weekend, but I almost never do. Sometimes my brother's not there either, and he is left all alone. Imagine not seeing the two people you love the most, when you've been looking forward to meet them for two weeks. And they keep letting you down for parties and friends. Ofcourse he understands, he's so great. But that doesn't make it okay. I love my dad so much, and I want to see him more. This thursdag I went to see him after school. You should have seen the look in his eyes when I showed up. We ended up talking all night and drinking wine together. I really believe that it's the little moments in life that counts. I know I'll never forget that day. And, dad, I love you. You always talk about how bad you feel because of your accident, you can't take us out to play sports and stuff like that, and that you never have enough money to take us on vacation, because you're on your own and don't have a lot of money. But guess what? All that matters to me is being with you. I don't care about the superficial stuff, I care about spending time with you. Because I know you appreciate my apperance more than anyone. You're the man of my life. I'm sorry I don't see you enough.

But my dad is not the only one I don't see enough of. Every single one of my friends I don't get to see enough. Even the people I actually live with is a rare sight. But what's really wearing me out these days is school. I seriously don't know how much longer I can take. And it's not just something I'm saying. I can't concentrate. I just don't care. I never pay attention, I never deliver my homework in time, I always skip school in fridays. Last thursday I couldn't even sit in the classroom, so I went down to sit in my friends' classroom in a totally different part of the school, and just stayed there all day. And now, sunday is here. Worst day of the week. Don't even know why they call it SUNday, when its just a big cloud of rain over my head all day. Now I have to do everything I didn't do the past week. The stuff I made up excuses to do some other time. The stuff I've pretended to be done with, but I'm not, and that I have to show off tomorrow.

And I just feel wednesday coming, the last day before a longweekend. And though I know it will be awesome, I'm sitting here with the guilt. I feel SO guilty over my family, my mom. I've promised her not to have a party, I've even promised my self. I've let mom down so many times, and still I find myself sitting here planning a party. I hate myself. But I just know it's something I have to do. I'm sure it will be great. But I'm also sure I'll pay for it later.

While writing this, I've already not delivered my paper on time. And I have to make up too many excuses on too many things I didn't do for tomorrow. Then I'm going to bed. BUH-BYE

Edward Cullen is staring at you

A time machine. Imagine what great wonders I could do with a time machine. I could rush things forward without even thinking about it, and I could go back in time if I would regret what I did. I could get a boyfriend, who'd probably break my heart, and then I could just flash past the heartbreak. A time machine would just let us control our own life.

But what would be the point of that? I sure would have no reason to live my life if I could decide everything that would happen. Letdowns, heartbreaks, disappointments, deaths, they're all a part of life. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. How strong would our heart be if we could choose it to be harmless? Would we be able to love, if we weren't in need to be vulnerable? If we never get disappointed, how are we supposed to be positively surprised? Where is the happiness in finding out the big decision you made was the greatest ever, when you could have gone back and made that decision anyway?

I always dream about having a time machine. Like right now, I would flash forward three weeks. And after that I'd flash forward two months. And after that I'd flash forward six months. And so it goes on. But what is the fun in doing something if you don't have to wait for it? I think waiting makes 50% of the experience itself. And now I'm waiting for someone to come visit me in three weeks. I kind of freak myself out. I met this guy on the Internet. Yes. I know. And I don't care. This guy really makes me feel good about myself, and to be honest with you, not many people do. I LOVE talking to him, and we are so much alike. Plus, I love his accent. Ha ha. I skype with him sometimes, and when our eyes meet on the screen we can sit there forever and just look at each other. It feels SO good, I can't even tell you. I mean, just the way he looks at me makes me get butterflies. I have never known a guy who is so sincerely interested in just talking to me, and don't JUST think about sex and stuff. He really cares. Don't get me wrong, when he gets here we won't just be sitting around talking about rainbows and butterflies, we'll be doing it ALL NIGHT LONG. Ha ha, just kidding. (I'm not). I know it might sound crazy to just meet someone you don't even know like that. I mean, people laugh when I tell them. So I've stopped telling people who won't even give me that joy of finally meeting someone, too. I know it's risky to meet someone like that, but I've decided just to take that chance. If he rapes me, so be it. But hey, it's not a rape if I'm in on it, right? So with NOTHING going on in my life, I seriously need to get out and do something. And this is me, starting to live my life a little. Fuck yeah.

Everybody needs something to cry about

Everything just seems to go against me these days. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get things right. Things. They don't want to go the way I tell them to go. They walk their own little path, or actually they run. As far away from me as they can get. They don't even care to look back at me over their sholder and say that everything is going to be alright, despite the fact that my way is no way. There is no way things will go my way. I guess this is what they call the obstacles in life. I won't even bother to mention what's going against me, because everything is. Except from handball, where I've actually become a big piece of the puzzle we have to finish without any flaws, and that's mostly the thing that keeps me up right now. That, and my lovely friends. And don't even start to think that I'm just a spoiled brat who cries whenever one little thing isn't completely the way I expected it to be, cause I'm not. No, I'm not a starving kid in the poor streets of Africa. No, I don't have any desieces, I am perfectly well. No, my parents aren't dead or drunkies, they are loved by me. And no, I do not have an awful life. But you know what? Everybody needs something to cry for. We all need something to grieve about. I cry. Crying feels nice. It cleans my soul, you know, letting all the bu-hu's out. Yeah. Bu-hu's. I said it. It's cute. You're not.

Every fucking thing goes wrong at school these days. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take. Everybody is just so smart, so good, so... working. And it's not that I don't work at school, cause I do. Maybe even a little harder then the rest of my class. Their life floats by me on perfectly exact waves that are always on time, while my wave is so unpredictable I sometimes make little tsunamies in my life. Yes, I make them myself. I know that. I have got to stop blaming everyone else, and start looking at the real problem, me myself and I. I have some difficulities with admitting it. I feel like I wear myself out working with stuff at school, and since I don't have to time when the sun is up, I do it at night. All night. Around twelve. I've been looking for more time forever, but I just can't seem to find it anywhere. I guess it's hiding at the end of the rainbow or something. The only thing I wished for christmas was that I would be getting a little more time to do stuff. In stead, it feels like the opposite has happened. I don't have time. And I don't think I ever will. I guess I just have to live with that.

may angels lead you in

Okay. So I've just watched the Olympics. And as the patriot I am, I'd donate my life for Norway to do so great this year I would just die anyway. That doesn't look very bright, though. Marit Bjørgen was awesome (she got the gold), and I'm perfectly happy with that. But this drags me on to the boys skiingfinal. My mouth fell down to my vagina and stayed there through the entire race. This was because of the Russians. The bloody Russians. Who the hell do you think you are? Crossing the line first and second before Petter Northug who came in third. Did ya SERIOUSLY even THINK that people can actually BEAT Petter Northug without drugs? Well I got a word for you. Lol. I KNOW you've been taking drugs. Motherfuckers. There's no help trying to fix the one reputation you have, that all russians are whores, to a better one like winning a gold medal, when you're only going to SHIT IN YOUR PANTS when you get caught using drugs. You might as well turn yourselfes in, 'CAUSE I'M ON YOU BITCHEEEEEEEES!

Emptyness

Hello.

Yeah. I'm still alive. But I'm barely breathing.

I don't know. It just seems like I`ve come to a weird point in my life. For the past couple of days I've just felt... Nothing. Zero. Zipp. Nada. I'm just listening to sad music and crying all the time. You know. You're the only one who knows. I don't even know what to say anymore. I'm... Empty. I feel nothing. Except for emptyness. And now I come to wonder why. I mean, when I look at the bigger picture, I have a GREAT life. I got the best friends a girl could ever wish for. This weekend was one of the best I've had in ages. I spent time with one half of my family on friday. And saturday. Ah, don't even know where to begin. I'd been looking forward to that saturday forever, we were having a musicnight. I couldn't imagine anything better, a whole night with people I really like playing music I really love. That's what I'd imagined. As it turned out, the night was NOTHING like I'd imagined AT ALL. We didn't even play that much music. As for me... Well, I got as drunk as I've never been before. Despite all of this, I had the time of my life that night. And sunday, I was so hangover Einstein's not even smart enough to describe it. And when I got out there in the handballmatch, I did so good. And I haven't done that in like forever. And the same day I met with the other half of my family. I was just so damn happy all weekend. Then I got to school monday. It kills me that I can't describe the feeling I've had since then. I just can't stand it. It's almost like I got a hole in my stomach like Bella.

I don’t know how to be close to you. I don’t know if I can

I really didn't think this day would get to me so bad. I knew it would come. Well, I didn't know it would, 'cause I was hoping it wouldn't. What I'm talking about is a Norwegian blogger that has been talking about her cancer for a while now. For the last weeks she'd just gotten worse and worse, and I got the worst feeling. I've been dreading for this day, avoiding the thought of it. Today is the day of Regine Stokke's death. And I didn't think I would feel it so strongly, I didn't even know her. But I've been following her blog for ages, feeling her ups and downs, reading about her being happy and sad, and today she just doesn't exist anymore. When I found out, I actually started to cry. And now I'm just really sad. I'm just happy that she got the poster off all the faces in Norway that supported her throughout everything before she passed away.

Anyways.. This weekend will probably just be another boring one. No. Not boring. I will hang out with my friends and family, it always sounds like I don't appreciate them. I REALLY DO. All though I could seriously need a party this weekend. Staying sober is hard, lol. But, like every other weekend, I'll probably just chill. And I'm not complaining. :-)

The outside world holds no interest for me without you

Today I felt a ton of weight slipping off my back. Not literally (I wish), but today was the last day of living hell at school. You have no idea how good it felt to just sit down in the couch, get something to eat and just watch TV. I'm not just saying this, I seriously can't remember the last time I did that. I've got about two hours before I have to go and do something for school again, but it's not that stressful. I've been kind of.. I don't know.. Like.. Depressed or something lately. But today, I can feel happiness return. I'd forgotten what that felt like. November has been the hardest month this year, I hated it and it hated me. But now it's December. And I got a feeling. That this month's gonna be a good month. :-)

It makes me... anxious.. to be away from you

I wish I could either turn back time or flash it forward. I hate this thing that I'm in right now. It just feels like I'm in an empty black hole. NOTHING is going on. My life, handball, is kind of going to hell. I'm in real trouble there. And I've never been worse at school. You'd think I'd get lucky at love or something, but no. I don't have ONE good thing in my life. Except for my friends ofcourse, I know they'll always be there. But I just feel like something is missing. I just really want a boyfriend I think. A tall, dark hunk with brown eyes that can just sweep me off my feet. Yes, that's what I could need right now. Will it happen? No, probably not. Will I live? Yes, probably. I'll always live, no matter how little I want to.

Sorry about the english, but I just don't bother to write proper. Too tired, and too much homework

It will be as if I'd never existed

For the past few weeks, I've kind of enjoyed my life for once. I really liked the fact that we had made some new friends, the ones Eline know. I was SO happy when I found out that Gina, the sweetest girl ever, had connected with one of the boys.

Now, I like the "new friends"... Not so much :-P
And I just found out that the boy Gina was flirting with has ended it, and she's heartbroken. That poor, innocent girl.
I have NO plans for the next weeks, and nothing exiting going on.
I just realized my life has gone back to being sucky and boring. Great.

If I weren't going to see New Moon on Wednesday, I don't know what I'd do. I can't wait to see that movie. I can't wait to get drawn into a whole other world, a world that I know so well. I can't wait to see true love all over the screen, the kind of love that I've realized doesn't exist. Wednesday is the day I can forget everything and just pretend to be Bella.

At the moment I'm talking to Gina. She seriously makes me cry. Why her?
She wrote a poem:
A punch in the stomach, a slap on the cheek.
Love has knocked you down once more.
You can tell by the eyes of the victim.
The light suddenly disappears.
The stars, the sparkling, aren’t there anymore.

In seconds, you can go from being in the sky,
To fall hard on the ground.
You can think that you’ve got it all.
When it suddenly turns the other way, and you think:
All of my dreams has just faded away.

The tears are running down your face like rain.
This is just unnecessary pain.

That's just painfully beautiful, isn't it? I'm trying all I can to make that girl happy again. Sadly, it's not working out that well...

Go sit down and look pale

I'm alive! I made it!

This weekend has probably been the worst weekend I've ever had. But it's been nice too. Now that I'm thinking back on it, it actually was kind of nice. I did have a good time, believe it or not. But that doesn't change the fact that it was a living hell.

At one point the girls had to go get water, when it was black and we couldn't see a thing. I have NEVER been that scared in my entire life, I don't even know what I was doing when we were walking. I really wanted to face my fear, so when the others said that we should turn and go back because we didn't even know if we were walking the right way I just continued to walk. What the hell was I thinking? And when we walked back I walked so fast I didn't even notice that I was far ahead of the others. I really don't know what was going on with me. Usually I would walk in the middle crying. Now I walked in front, still crying, but I had some kind of instinct. I'm just praying never to do that again.

What else can I say? I liked when we were laying by the bonfire, that was actually really nice. When we were all laying on top of each other, that made it warmer, too. No, not warmer. Less cold. Even though I kind of HATED one of the boys who were just sitting on his ass bossing everyone else around, he did have a hint of good in him. I really enjoyed the candles he'd brought, and the music he was playing. But that doesn't make up for the suicide mission he sent us on. Oh, and I have to mention the three other boys. They were insanely nice! Helped us with putting up tents, tie our shoes, keeping the bonfire alive, getting water, and MUCH more. I really liked them! Even though I got a crazy little feeling they hated us. Haha. I hope we can continue being friends with them, though. Sweet people. I just hope that they can look past my face and clothes this weekend, since I looked like I was dragged out of hell (which I was), and I hope that the musicnight will happen soon.

Yeah, now it's 01.25. MAYBE I should get some sleep. Or maybe not. I went for a little nap around 14.30. Aaaaand woke up 23.53. All I could think was fuck. I just slept away the WHOLE day. What about all the homework I was going to do? And I was going to meet Petter and the others, but I slept through that, too. I guess I have to swallow that, since I don't have an alarm clock. I kind of lost my phone out there in the woods...

Grizzly is Emmett's favorite

Today is the day. All I can say is... Well I don't really have anything to say. And I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea what we're doing or why I agreed to come along on this trip. All I know is what I'm supposed to bring and wear, I haven't got a clue on what we're going to do in the forest for three whole days. But I'm sure there will be a lot of freezing, complaining and more freezing. And the boy that invited us. I seriously curse the day he was born. I've met him ONE time, I don't even know him and I still want to cut his throat.

Okay, I MIGHT be overreacting. I'm sure that this will be an experience for life, and I'm sure I'll control myself enough to not kill the sointenslyhated guy... I mean, I don't even know him. Lol.

Yeah. I'm kind of starting to look a little forward to it actually. We're leaving in only a few hours, and I haven't even started packing! I'm just hoping I'll get to leave work early today.

Are you so depressed by Forks it's made you suicidal?

Okay, I am SERIOUSLY not in the mood for this right now. I really, really mean it. I'm just.. Sad. And that doesn't cover it, trust me. Tomorrow was supposed to be the day. MUSIC NIGHT! At first one of the boys said that they had to go early, and I thought THAT was the end of the world. Hah. As it turns out it's not going to happen at all. Eline's mom has caught the swine flu, I feel bad for her! It's just extremely typical it has to be the date of our so badly wanted music night. I just hate the though of sitting home alone tomorrow, crying. That is what I'll be doing. I'm not lying. I will cry. And then I'll probably get over it :-)

Now I'll get absolutely no sleep tonight, because I don't want to wake up tomorrow. You have no idea how many times I've imagined waking up for this day. And now I don't want to.

So.. Before I get all suicidal, I'll probably just end it here. Goodbye.. Forever.. Just kidding :)

Distract me, please

Okay, since I'm writing here for once, I might as well do a little complaining.

Here I go: So... Today I've spent all day working on my animation. And I still have a loooong way to go before I finish. What sucks is that it's due thursday in a week. Yeah, I guess it could be done in a week. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE! On friday I'm going to Oslo to watch a concert I promised the one in the band I would watch. And after that I'm going to Tekla's house, so friday I don't have the time. Saturday is the night I've been waiting for for two weeks, MUSIC NIGHT. There is no way I'm doing homework that day. Sunday Eline and I are doing our weekly newspaper thing, and after that I got a handball match to play. So sunday I don't have time either. I guess I can squeeze in some time after the weekend, but there's always a but. Wednesday we have THREE more tests! When I am supposed to find the time? Oh goooood help me. Seriously.

So you faint at the sight of blood?

Yeah man! I finally made it through this week! Now it's just a few normal days, that passes through really fast anyway, and THEN it's saturday. That means music. Music all night long. My passion, my life, my love. Music. Yes!

And after saturday it's only a week before our big trip out to the woods. Ofcourse it'll be a lot of fun, but I have this creepy feeling. You know, being in the woods at night, when it's dark. Don't like that idea. I never really admit this to anyone, because I always keep my fear inside myself when I'm scared, but I am seriously afraid of the dark. And I don't even think it's a normal amount of scared, either. I honestly feel like I'm going to cry or something out there. How emberrasing wouldn't that be? I feel like a little child afraid of the monster underneath the bed. I just don't hope people will laugh or anything, because there is nothing I hate more than showing that I'm scared. I just feel so... I dunno. Just hate the feeling.

This wasn't even what I was going to say. Hmmm. Huemist, like we say in norwegian. Lol. Totally forgot. Oh well.

Sweep me off my feet.

How easily frustrated I am

Today is my date with my best friend. I got nothing else to say other that I love her, and I can't wait. It hasn't been just the two of us in forever, so we've got a lot to catch up on.

I kind of have to finish a storyboard that is due tomorrow. BUUUT, best friends come first, right?:-)

Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either

This week is passing unbelievably slow. It's only Wednesday. NO, it's Tuesday! Lol. I wish I could skip the next days and just get to the weekend already. Actually, if I'm wishing for things, I wish I could just jump to NEXT weekend. That's when we're having our music night, with a bunch of sweet people. I just can't wait. Seriously. This week is moving SO slow. I got nothing going on these days, so I'm just kind of waiting. And it's not just the fact that time moves slow, it's the school stuff I have to finish, too. But worst of all, it's the handball part. I totally lost it. I can't concentrate the way I used to, and I suck as much as I did a year ago. This is one of the things I always hoped never would happen, but now it has. My coaches doesn't really help much, either. Don't get me wrong, I love them! It's just that I get yelled at a lot (we get yelled at when we don't live up to our expectations), and since my selfasteem is so low these days that's just not good for me. It's come to the point where I get home from handball, and just start crying. And I don't feel bad for myself, if that's the expression you got. I fully and truly deserve to be yelled at because I am not doing a very good job these days. And crying is a part of it all, I cried everyday when I was a newbie on the team. My mood just hasn't been on top lately, and I've been having trouble concentrating. I don't know why that is, but I'm glad we're going to have a talk with our couches soon, one on one. I'll just have to tell them I'm going through something personal right now, and that's why I haven't been myself all the time. Something personal.. I don't even know what I'm going through. And I don't know why I'm feeling so sad sometimes, or why I can't concentrate. I'm just glad I got all my friends, 'cause they cheer me up whether they want to or not. :-)

This wasn't even what I was going to write about.. But but, it's not only only- like Petter Solberg would say.

Newton's getting on my nerves

Oh God. Forget what I said earlier. Today should be a happy day! So I'm going to smile.
SMILE MOTHAFUCKAAA! Screw the world. Mohahahahhha.

Okay, I've turned into a freakshow. Great.

I'm breaking all the rules now

I had the best Halloween ever. Me and my friends crashed a party. LOL. No, we just came, though we weren't invited, but things worked out. GOOD. I didn't even bring any alcohol, but I still managed to get drunk. I seriously love being drunk, really considering the thought of becomming an alcoholic. Why do I love it? When I'm drinking I'm always happy, and there are no worries. I can do whatever I want without hessitating because I don't care. And it just feels so good. But something made my halloween this year. And it sincearly hurts me to say this. But it was because of that boy again. This time we made out, made out like for real. At first he started holding his arms around me, and after a while he brough me into the dark room (lol) and I sat on his lap. I rushed my hand through his hair, he stroked his fingers over my cheek and we kissed. We made out for a while, and then we went to another room. Only to make out more! Then we went outside, down to the streets where we were alone. Standing there in the moonlight with him introduced a new feeling in me, while we just stood there, holding each other tight, our eyes never letting go. Then we made out again, and said goodnight because we both had to go. God.

Can't say it was the best sunday, though. With a flinch of hangover, Eline and I walked from door to door with the newpapers. I also played a nervewrecking handballgame with just a little more hangover, keeping it a little more secret. And then, when we're at Kristines house, Eline tells me that the boy (I just call him the boy, I'm sure you know what I mean) doesn't really want anything to do with me. He just likes getting drunk and having fun with me at parties and so on. I won't deny the pain. It did sting. And I did promise myself not to get drawn into this. But I always do. He says he's looking forward to the musicnight we're having in about two weeks from now, and the naturetrip in a month or so. Why does he do that? Play with my feelings. He can't just sweap me of my feet that way and expect me not to feel anything. Then ofcourse, I can't blame him. He doesn't know what he's doing to me. I don't like falling asleep at three in the morning, waking up two hours before I actually have to. And he has no idea. And I can't believe I'm posting this. It just makes everything so real, you know?

SO, I have made my decition. I'm just going to stop thinking about him, and just give a fuck. I won't care anymore. Yeah. Talk about mission impossible.

NOW I really got to get to school, wish me luck on that. And Eline, if you're reading this at school or something, please don't let anyone see. And please close this window. If someone sees this I might as well just die. Bye

People can't smell blood

HOW STUPID CAN A HUMAN BEING POSSIBLY GET? Oh lord. I can't deny it, sometimes, I AM A DUMBASS.

Today I was with Samantha from my class all day. We went shopping underwear and went for a snack (when we were really supposed to work, lol). We sat talking, we ran into a subject about that boy I've been all about in the beginning of this week. I was determined not to tell anyone about him, because I am over that whole crush thing now. So then I didn't think it would be a big deal to tell her about saturday, and I did. What I wasn't thinking about at that moment is that Samantha's best friend is in the same class as the boy. Ingrid or something. And I've heard that she has a big mouth. So if Samantha tells her about it, I AM SCREWED. I might as well shit in my pants! I kind of already have. Why did I tell her about him? NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED. God. I hate myself for doing this. And now I probably don't even have a shot in the ocean. Ahh, can someone PLEASE shoot my head off? please...

On the other side, I am so happy for my friend Gina. She has found a guy she likes, that likes her back. They are seeing eachother today, and I'm so exited for her. If this works out, she'll probably have her first love. I don't know Halvor that well, but I think he'll be great for Gina. And if someone deserves a good relationship, it's her. She's so sweet, and deserves nothing but the best. I wish I'd find someone like she has, but now I'm starting to think it'll never happen. What is wrong with me? Gina and I both met boys last saturday. And still she's the only one winning. I guess I'll just have to think that it's not about me, it's about that boy. But I can't get my head around to think that.

Tonight we're going to Kristines birthday party, and I'm looking forward to it, for real. Hope she likes her present, but I'm kind of sure she will. It's beautiful, I would have loved it. Oh bugger! I just remembered I have to make her a card. So uhm. I guess I'll have to stop writing now. Probably for the best anyway...